btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
