We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
