I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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