Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm at about main and main street
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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