I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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