Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
