sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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