Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
