The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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