just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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