franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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