We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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