If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
