i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We have started to decorate penises.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
