This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
