It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
