I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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