you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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