Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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