I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
