it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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