dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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