the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
