I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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