I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
