if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
