come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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