who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
