You really coming over, don't trick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
