turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
