The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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