AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
