dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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