There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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