Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
