He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
