I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
