I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
