WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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