mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
