Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
