just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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