Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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