Please, let me fuck your mom
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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