You made me cry and you don't even care
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
