I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
