My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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