i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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