Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
