She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
