I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
