Cold hands, warm shart.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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