I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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