you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
