eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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