It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
