He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
love makes seman taste better
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
