Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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