my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
