listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
