So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
