he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
