She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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