I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
