every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
