i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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