Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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