That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is the high leading the old right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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