Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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