he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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