That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
