I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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