You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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