Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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