Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
