a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize