Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
